Monday, 22 October 2012

Feedback and comment about Fan Fictions: The Legends of the "Les Enfants Terribles"


  1. Hi there,
    There is a good story here, a lot of potential.
    With that in mind however, I could not lose myself in it and kept needing to jump back. This is simply due to the use of the wrong words.
    "Every bars" should be "every bar" or "all bars".
    "Every sins" should be "every sin" or "all sins".
    "many places I rather be" should be "I'd rather be"
    There are a few others. However, your use of adjectives is excellent and very evocative. I could really hear Jack's voice with the line, "'CAPTAIN of the Black Pearl' Jack stressed".
    Your writing is very good, and you mustn't let a few wrong words hold you back, change them and it'll be much better.
    I look forward to reading more.
    =)
    Reply
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your time reading this fanfic Abigail :) I will fix these wrong words ASAP. And I really appreciated for your advice. I'm looking forward to read your fanfic too! Good luck!
      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.
    Reply
  3. Despite the grammar mistakes, you've definitely got a feeling for writing. You definitely need to really check the grammar, that will improve it a lot. Otherwise the sweaty dense feeling of the bar is shown quite well. I don't think you really need to change your ideas and the way you describe the scene, it is a little tense to read but I'm not sure. It could just be subjective to want a bit of a break in the tension of the writing. And it is a pirate bar, so it probably does need some tension. Perhaps you could spend more time describing the look of the characters and their clothes, for example. Because a bar full of pirates and dodgy characters is quite heavy on imagery as a concept.
    Reply
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your time reading this fanfic, Andrew. I have considered your advice and asked Karen to do some spell checks and grammars to improve it. I have try to fix the fanfic to be better in the final. Have a look if you have time. Cheers.
      Delete
  4. HI LUKE. As stated above, despite the few grammer and spelling errors it was worth reading. It shows that you have actually studied and thought consideratly aboutwhat you are wanting to write. JOB WELL DONE. I look forward to your final!
    Reply
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your time Arapati. I have fixed those things you mentioned in the final version. Take a look if you have time. Cheers.
      Delete


      Hi Luke sorry for the late post. Very interesting read and truthfully a bit confusing. I can see what you are trying to portray in your story and it has alot of potential.

      Just a few suggestions that you might want to look in to grammar eg (2nd line) maybe use "occur" instead of "happen"? and (4th line) "peacefully did existed" maybe just have peacefully existed as that would make more sense. Sorry I'm not in any state to tell you what to do with your writing but just a suggestion for future reference. Overall this story has a lot of potential which could develop in to a magnificent story given more time, thoughts and editing with proper grammar. Thank you. :)
      Reply
Posted by at

5 comments:

  1. Jainsons Lights4 May 2023 at 04:43


    Wall Lamps Online are an important home décor item that improves the mood of any area. With many designs and styles available online, you can easily find the perfect wall lamp to suit your decor and lighting needs. Internet stores provide a broad choice of wall lights, from basic designs to elaborate pieces that bring a sense of elegance to any environment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tarun Khanna8 March 2025 at 07:15

    Fire Retardant Fabric Manufacturers in India
    Thanks for sharing such information- you can also look this information
    Fire retardant fabrics are a type of fabrics that can effective resist and put out fires. These are generally made from wool or synthetic materials, often treated with chemicals to enhance their fire resistance qualities. If you need some fire retardant materials, check out the Fire Retardant Fabric Manufacturers in India.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anna Chandy8 March 2025 at 10:13

    Thanks for sharing such information- you can also look this information
    Keeping up with world around us and project ourselves as the best versions of us, is not an easy task. It takes a toll on us and before we know it, we are nurturing demons and fears inside our head. Individual Counseling with us will you give the space to talk about yourself. Embrace yourself without the veils and filters, and give your mental health the care and attention that it needs with Individual Counseling.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anna Chandy6 April 2025 at 01:02

    Thanks for sharing such information- you can also look this information
    Get your Certification in Transactional Analysis and work towards becoming a successful mental health counselor and help people around you. Transactional Analysis of TA is a theory that tries to understand how people behave and interact with others around them in certain situations. This is an important thing to learn as a professional as it can give you insights on how to approach your clients better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anna Chandy13 May 2025 at 07:21

    Psychoeducation counseling
    Thanks for sharing such information – please look

    Psychoeducation counseling is an extremely important tool when it comes to helping people fight against mental illnesses. It is all about educating the patient and their family about what they’re going through, the treatment and process of getting better and much more and creates a safe space for the patients to talk about their difficulties much more openly.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)